wax on, wax off

She really really likes being outside. This was by the lake off Montrose harbor last Friday with D and his mom.

Today has been one of those days, one where my hormones are in a tumble. Blargh...

Emelia and I slept in, while D had to run to an opening shift (after closing last night!). Seemed like a day where I might get something done: ha, to that.

Here's Miss E, being all suspicious of the dragon toy that he'll take her pacifier.

mmm I did manage to bake him a belated cake this morning for his birthday yesterday. Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting (for those of you who are local and reading this, it's huge so come soon and get a piece). Assuming that it tastes good, as it's a recipe from teh intarwebh.
Emelia watched on, playing on the floor on her mat, and tried to eat her mirror. This game with the mirror continued on most of the day, with me wondering if she really sees herself or is trying to eat the baby she sees in there. Either way, it's hilarious. Occasionally, she grabs at it and it falls on her--yes, it's plastic so not a chance at 7 years' bad luck. (She was not consistently fun today until she finally let out about 2 pounds of luscious poo-stock. ew, yet ahhhhhhh.)

Lately, I've been trying to come to terms with my decisions. I think the best thing will be just for school to start already. Things are in motion: With one friend a definite on watching E during the week, and a couple sitters lined up for interviewing, we are ready in a theoretical sense. I've been dragging on finishing my school prep crap: getting the Hep B, getting the immunization stuff signed off, getting other forms signed off and sent in. I've accomplished a chunk of it, and the rest is in orbit. I guess that I am, at heart, a stay-at-home mom. However, I feel that I can't let myself enjoy it too much, as I'm afraid that I'll balk on day 1 and refuse to go in. This isn't right. I need to enjoy the moments I have; every day is precious. Not that life ends when school (and eventually work) starts. It's just another chapter. A chapter that will provide more depth and focus to our lives.

ah ... the thumb is conquered!

So I get bored. So I don't have everything done yet. So so so. I have had a pretty good summer, getting to know the blob that is becoming my daughter. When I look back, I hope to focus on that, not the stress of school or nursing. Not the worry that she's not gaining enough weight. Not the anger at the pacifier for settling her when I can't. What a waste.
a visit with Linda yesterday

I constantly rotate on an Edit Mode. I regret and review the recent past, or the far-gone past, wanting to change how I did things. Where does that get me? Depressed. What is accomplished? Zilch zippo zero zed. A friend today told me to "Wake up". And she's right. This isn't a dream I'm living, but the now. If I can't get myself to focus on that and enjoy it, then how can I be happy? I've got everything--I always wanted a baby, got the best one ever (bias). I really wanted to get into this program, got it. Wanted a career that is flexible (2 more years!). Wanted a husband who understands me, loves me, likes me--and who knew I'd get that! I even have some awesome friends, and seeing them is always rewarding.

Maybe it is a dream, now that I think about it, so I need to wake up more often to enjoy it.

as the shutter clicked, E spit up all over her proud Daddy